I was fortunate to spend the better part of 36 hours in Coeur D’Alene, ID this week to talk to a roomful of very enthusiastic folks about Social media, and it got me thinking: With all that yapping some of us do onstage, more often than not, true dialog tends to get lost in shuffle. We talk and talk and talk, and then towards the end of our session, we leave 10 little minutes open for questions, and that’s it. Well, that isn’t enough. As much as I like to speak (and hear myself speak, if the length of my blog posts and presentations weren’t a clue), I much prefer the back and forth of Q&A even to my own incessant droning. Give me dialog. Give me conversation. Give me engagement. Not just on Twitter and the blogosphere, but with a real crowd, flesh and bone, pencils sharpened, phone cams at the ready. Give me a town-hall atmosphere over a lecture any day.
Which is why at the end of today’s 3 hour session on stage and 20 solid minutes of questions, I stuck around for another hour after the event ended to make sure that everyone who had a question for me got an answer. THAT, more than my time on stage, was the highlight of my evening. Why? Because I got to meet people, truly interact with them, get to know them better, solve specific problems for them (hopefully), and become part of their world. There were handshakes involved, pats on the back, stories of ski trips in Savoie and breaking world records and harrowing tales of survival (no, really). And then people started taking pictures for their blogs and facebook walls and whatnot, and that was a lot of fun too.
At 6pm, we were all strangers. At 9pm, everyone knew who I was, but the dynamic was still speaker/audience. At 10pm, I had connected with some wonderful human beings with fascinating stories to tell and made at least a dozen new friends. It was all good, but guess what: That time between 9pm and 10pm, that’s the part I got the most out of.
So speakers, ye of talent, skill and charmed lives, here’s the deal: Don’t limit yourselves to just “speaking.” Stick around. Get to know your audience. Chat with them. Listen to their stories. That’s where the real value of your speaking engagement is. Not the proverbial icing on the cake, as it were, but its warm gooey heart. The lectures, the presentations, the time on stage, eventually it will all blend into one big mess of jumbled memories of spotlights and silhouetted figures lined up in neat little rows, of people nodding and smiling and taking notes, and if you aren’t too awful at it, the wonderful sound of applause too. Always as sweet as it is brief. But the memories that will stick with you, the ones you’ll want to hold on to, the ones that will separate this event from that one will be those of the moments you spent hanging out with the fans. The ones who want their picture taken with you. The ones who want to show you their dog photos and their battle scars and the iphone case their grandson made for them. THAT’s the good stuff.
So someday, when you’ve made it big and you make obscene bank going from event to event on some conference circuit or another, when you feel that the speaking you do makes you some kind of rock star, remember that the fees you command, the VIP treatment you’ve gotten used to, the applause and accolades you enjoy, none of that stuff is owed to you. You’re just lucky to be there, just like you were lucky to be there when you were first asked to speak – for free – at a local business event by a friend who wanted to give you a break. Nobody in that crowd owes you a damn thing. But you, sir, m’am, you owe every single person in that crowd EVERYTHING. Remember that. Always.
So mingle. Shake hands. Hang out. Get to know as many of the people who come listen to you “speak” as you can. They’re the best people you’ll ever meet, and I don’t need an R.O.I. equation to know that.
Have a great Friday, everyone.
Brand Building and Online Marketing Blog 
Hey OB
Totally. This is what is so great about all the speakers at Like Minds – they connect with people. There’s no “I’m a speaker, you’re an attendee” divide.
Hope you had a good time!
S
Oliver – Thanks for writing about this. There should be a nice balance between the two (talking v answering Q&A and free flowing conversation).
One of the best academic presentations I’ve been to was for a very popular sociolinguist who talked for 20 minutes in an hour colloquium and then said, ‘okay, your turn’.
The listeners and attendees are there for their benefit, why not let them drive the conversation?
This is great, inspiring stuff and I agree with every word you’ve written here. Fantastic stuff.
I was having a discussion about this just this week. Part of the problem is, I feel, that much of the training or learning that speakers get is simply based on the “I’ll-tell-you-and-you’ll-listen” model. Consequently many speakers fear stepping out of the lecture mode. I would love to see more “town hall” style discussions where knowledge is transferred in every direction. We need to train our speakers to be more comfortable with this approach.
Here’s hoping that more speakers are reading this. I’ll certainly be telling everyone I know to read it.
Thanks for a great post.
I think that my biggest mistake in my last speaking engagement was that I wanted to share so much information I did not leave much space for interaction. I was invited to speak regarding Social Media Corporate Guidelines (thanks to your help Oliver on choosing the title) , but I think I failed greatly in creating interaction with the audience.
I think I made up for it by sticking around after the event but I can agree that I did not get the feedback I was expecting from the individuals in the Audience.
One of the things I really enjoyed from the Chirp Twitter event was the continuous interaction I had with the speakers and other people in the audience in just two days I got to understand many things and it was mostly due to the openness of the speakers and crowd to share.
Next speaking event I will make sure to keep this post bookmarked so I can make sure that delivering content is not my only objective.
Thanks for the great post.
I like the approach you mentioned with answering more questions than speaking on Social Media. I am going to do that in my next session. Thanks for the information.
When I speak, I do the same thing as when I teach–I ask people to ask me questions while they are thinking of them. OK, I don’t do that if there are 500 people in the room. But I don’t often speak to 500 people. I generally stand outside the room as people are coming in, too, and ask, “What are you interested in finding out?” or “What one thing would make this presentation worthwhile?” Then I answer that question. Again, I’m not famous or get huge checks to appear, but like you, I like the idea of dialog. And almost always, there are other people in the room with great information. Sharing works. Thanks for posting this.
Great video and that is why we created the ask summit!
http://www.asksummit.org
Keep rocking it!
-Shane Mac
Great post, I completely agree!
Connecting with the audience afterward is my favorite aspect of speaking. I feel there is no better way to meet amazing people.
Thanks!
This is such a refreshing take on the speaker/audience and expert/listener relationship. This is such grounded advice. Having spent some time around fairly well-known speakers on and off stage, I can say that those who are the most compelling also care the most. They genuinely love people and they genuinely want to help. I just spent the weekend with Cheryl Richardson (www.cherylrichardson.com) anf Reid Tracy, the CEO of Hay House, at an event where they teach people about building a platform as a speaker, author, etc. Reid told us that for about the 1st 10 years of her career, Louise Hay (founder of Hay House) personally responded to every email or letter she was sent. WOW. And now Hay House is one of the most successful publishing companies and Louise’s book has been on the NY Times Bestseller list twice, 20 yrs apart. It proves that personal is meanigful…and it works. And connection is the point of the whole thing. Thanks Oliver!
Really love this post. Will definitely take it to heart from some upcoming engagements. Great words of wisdom.
Thanks for sharing such fabulous tips and I personally enjoyed the footage of the Resort behind you as that was my very place to hang out growing up and last time I lived in Spokane, Wa.
I love spending time with an audience – and always cringe when speakers have their “handlers” rush them off away from the common folk as if they could get contaminated!
Hi Olivier
As someone just getting started speaking, I really appreciate being reminded about connecting to the audience – not just during the speech, but afterwards too.
Last week I had a very short 20 minute speech, and yet people stayed up to 45 minutes afterwards wanting to meet me, ask specific questions and connect at a deeper level. Those same people have now been on my blog, registered for my list and connected with me on social media.
Those few extra minutes after a speech can make the difference between having a “friend or follower” and having a raving fan. I’ll take the latter.
Elena
PS I heard about you through Connie at Chess Media. Glad I finally stopped by your blog!
I’ve noticed a growing trend lately to incorporate longer Q&A sessions. It really does beat a three and a half hour speech and gets the crowd much more involved. People learn and retain better when involved and engaged as opposed to stagnant listening.
Thank you for bringing this more to the fore front.
Amen! Probably the top complaint I hear from conference attendees is that the speakers aren’t accessible enough. Some literally leave as soon as they are done speaking.
Two things I try to do every time I speak is first, let everyone know up front that if they have a question they want to ask, to ask it DURING the session. If they have to wait till the end, they will often forget the point/question, and not ask anything. As a speaker, I can keep an eye on the time, and if I’m answering too many questions in the middle, I can point out to the attendees that we need to get moving.
And second, I try to spend as much time as I can physically in the center of the room. Granted, this isn’t always possible, but I literally cringe at the thought of being trapped behind a podium for an hour or so, as if the session is a freakin’ lecture. If I am out with the attendees, I can better get their attention, and I think it makes them more comfortable asking questions and raising points.
But you’re exactly right in that so much of the effectiveness of your presentations as a speaker comes down to simply being accessible to the attendees, and sparking interaction. And if the audience starts making points and talking among themselves, that’s often very valuable to everyone, even if it cuts into the SPEAKER’S YAPPIN’ TIME 😉
Great post Olivier, more speakers need to follow your suggestions.
Couldn’t agree more with your admonition to hang out and connect and would suggest just one other social necessity: invite your audience members to connect with you on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn so they can reach you anytime.
I can’t count the number of queries I receive the day after my speaking engagements from attendees who have had time to contemplate the subject of the presentation and formulate thoughtful questions. I always let my audience know that they should feel free to contact me through whatever medium they’re comfortable with to discuss their questions.
Learning shouldn’t stop when the microphone is turned off (and the learning goes both ways).
hey. another good one here. valued the imagery. Idaho eh? who knew. (I always think the ONLY water worth being near is ocean..growin’ up in Miami will do that to you.)
I taught middle school for 8 years. Talking at…they don’t follow. Without back and forth engagement you get nowhere slowly. Probably why I still overthink much.
What you offer in this post is worth bringin to every update, post, social ‘communication”….what’s the question behind what we want to share. can we ask questions from the outset.
could you — for example–build your whole talk based on 30 minutes outset gathering questions from the audience and see what exactly they came to learn?
i’m gonna try this for a bit..smaller scale and scope. but rather speak at least more to what they’re interested/what they come to hear than just only what i want to pour out.
crazy? perhaps. but engaging? methinks….
keep offering these video previews…maybe even some during…..;)
Hi Olivier ~
Wow! Thanks for the great reminder that the audience is the most important aspect of one’s speech.
I am a new Speaker (thank God for those supportive friends) and am going to base my career on this very principle. As a “seminar junkie”, I know how much more special the event will be for the attendees when I connect with them.
I believe that I was meant to read this article and am very grateful.
Take Care ~
Sandy Harper 🙂
Thanks for the great tips. Yes Coeur D’Alene, ID is beautiful. I live up the road Sandpoint.